


Futile Devices

by wormghost



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Discussion of character death, M/M, POV First Person, Slight Canon Divergence, hand holding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-26
Updated: 2015-10-26
Packaged: 2018-04-28 04:31:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5077915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wormghost/pseuds/wormghost
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU where Ling and Co. stick around for a few days after the final battle.</p><p>Ed and Ling talk things out on the hospital roof.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Futile Devices

I can’t sleep. Last night, after everything that happened, I was pretty much dead to the world as soon as I got the chance to lie down. Tonight, though, I can’t seem to manage it.

Everything after the battle- after defeating Father, going through the portal for the last time, after getting Al back from the gate- is more or less one big blur. Most of what I do remember is people running around, barking orders, trying to figure out where to start in on cleaning up the massive amounts of damage done to Central. At some point Al and I ended up in a hospital room, and that’s about when I clocked out until somewhere around noon today.

I’m not sure what time it is now. Late, definitely, but there’s not a clock anywhere in sight to tell me exactly. Once again, today has been a huge vague blur, and trying to visualize any single event feels like looking at an out-of-focus photograph. I assumed there’d be some kind of calm after the storm, but it’s looking like that’ll have to wait until this all actually feels real first. I don’t know how long it’ll take me to get used to having two flesh-and-blood hands, or seeing my brother again in a real human body instead of a big metal suit. I’m ecstatic, sure. It’s what we’ve been working towards for years now. But actually having that feels like some kind of vivid fever dream and I keep waiting to wake up from it. Not wanting to, just expecting to. I feel giddy and terrified and relieved and nervous all at once. It’s almost too much for me to take in.

So I’m wandering around the hospital.

The halls are mostly quiet, with the occasional voice or pained noises coming from one room or another, a welcome change from the hustle and bustle earlier today. Now, the only people around are me and the odd nurse giving me a weird look.

I’m looking for something to do, or possibly someone to talk to. From my many (many) trips to this hospital, I’d pretty much figured out long ago that there’s almost nothing to do around here, so my only real option is turning out to be finding someone who’s in a talking mood, and since my newly-flesh and blood roommate is currently snoring away I’ve been forced out of our room by my own boredom. I’d originally just planned to stay with Al even if I couldn’t get to sleep, but eventually my restlessness and wandering mind won out. Besides, I figured, I didn’t want to accidentally wake him up.

After what feels like an hour of wandering (It’s probably more like 10 minutes), I have a thought. It’s a long shot, and if I’m wrong it’s a long way to walk back, but I figure it’s worth a try. And if it turns out I am wrong, maybe all the walking will tire me out enough that I can get at least a little sleep.

* * *

I make it to the roof, wheezing, realizing that it was probably a bad idea to test my physical limits while I’m literally currently hospitalized. The side cramp of the century has taken over the right half of my torso, and I’m considering just falling over on the ground and waiting for it to pass.

Horrible stabbing side ache aside, it’s actually a very nice night. A faint breeze ripples through my hair, and the sky is clear except for a few dark blotches of cloud drifting off in the distance. There’s a few stars out, too, more than I’m used to seeing in the city.

Scanning the roof, I almost decide that I was wrong and that I really am truly the only person up here, but then I turn around and see the exact person I was looking for.

Ling is perched on the edge of the roof, sitting crouched with his legs drawn up close to his chest, turned away from me at an angle. He’s wearing a pair of rolled-up hospital pants and an unidentified someone’s white cotton t-shirt that looks to be a size too big for him.

Normally, I’d expect him to turn around or at least acknowledge my presence, and it confuses me that he doesn’t seem to know I’m here. He seems to be focusing all his energy into staring at some unidentified point on the horizon.

For a second, I’m about to ask if it’s Greed sitting there instead of Ling. It’s just a force of habit, something i’d gotten used to doing once Ling started to get some more control of his own body, but something stops me. I start to understand.

“Hey,” I say, trying to sound casual, which is hard when I still feel like I might keel over and die from climbing those stairs, “What are you doing?”

Ling turns around to look at me, and he doesn’t look surprised or startled. He probably could sense my presence or whatever it’s called. He does look like I’ve just caught him in some kind of act, though. Like he’s a little kid and I just discovered him staying up past his bedtime.

“It’s Greed, right?” I ask, hoping it doesn’t sound accusatory. He sighs, looking almost like he’s deflating, and I walk towards him, standing behind the ledge instead of sitting on it like he’s doing. I don’t know what it is with Ling and being one misstep away from falling to his death, but he seems to enjoy it.

“That’s part of it,” He says finally, then pauses before adding, “A big part of it.”

“Yeah, well, adjusting to having your body to yourself again doesn’t sound easy.”

“Kind of the opposite, really. It feels like I’m missing a limb or somethi-” He stops himself, his gaze going down to what used to be my automail arm, then up at my face, then back to that spot he’d been focusing on before, “Sorry. I didn’t mean that.”

“It’s fine. It’s not a terrible analogy,” I say, feeling somehow like I’ve just done something wrong, “I get what you mean. Or, I think I can understand. Obviously, I can’t speak from experience.”

“It’s not just that, though. It’s that I couldn’t do anything to save him. Just like Fu. Even with the Philosopher’s stone, I couldn’t do anything.”

He sounds so different from what I’m used to. Either less confident or less smug. less mature and self-assured. This side of him is so well-hidden that it’s easy to forget it exists. But now it’s all here, up front and open like an exposed wound. I saw it once before, back in Dr. Knox’s little shack after Lan Fan had lost her arm. Once again, Ling is wearing clothes that don’t belong to him and looks like he’s doing a half-assed job of holding himself together. Once again, I’m not sure what to say except for:

“I’m sorry, Ling.”

“You don’t need to apologize to me, Ed.”

“Well, I’m going to,” I say firmly, “I’m sorry about Greed. And about Fu. Hell, I’m sorry about Lan Fan’s arm, too, since you cut me off the last time I tried to apologize for that.”

“Don’t be sorry,” He doesn’t sound angry or defensive, but his tone stops me short, “None of that was your fault.”

“Wasn’t yours, either,” I say, and without thinking I swing my legs over to sit next to him on the ledge, “But none of that would have happened if you hadn’t gotten involved in all this, which is kind of my fault. So I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, Ed. I chose to get involved in this, and you actively tried to get rid of me at first. If I hadn’t made the choice to involve myself and my company, Fu would probably still be alive and Lan Fan would still have her arm. Greed would probably have been someone else’s to deal with if not mine, and maybe he wouldn’t have had to die. I can’t just tell myself it that there wasn’t anything I could do and move on with it. I’m responsible for my own actions and the choices I make.”

He sounds so serious, so fully convinced of what he’s saying. He’s right, in a way. I had spent a long time trying to just get him and his people off of my back, and he stuck around in spite of that. He chose to help the colonel with the whole ordeal surrounding Lieutenant Ross. He made the choice to accept Greed. He didn’t need to do any of that, but he did. And maybe it was only to get a Philosopher’s stone, but in the end I’m not sure that matters so much.

To my surprise, he takes my hand. Also to my surprise, I don’t pull away, not even reflexively. It’s unexpected and sort of embarrassing, but not in a bad way. I might be blushing, but I don’t really care. A breeze blows across the roof, and we both inch closer to each other to combat the chill it brings. And maybe just because it’s nice to be this close. Maybe.

“Thanks for everything,” I say, leaning my head against his shoulder, and he makes a small, questioning noise.

“I just,” I search for the right words, trying to choose carefully instead of spitting out everything I want to say and making a fool of myself, “I think if you hadn’t been here, if you hadn’t stuck around for all of this, things could have ended a lot worse than they did. Partially it was Greed’s doing too I guess, but since he’s not around anymore I’ll just have to say this all to you. So. Thank you.”

“You too,” He says, leaning in a little closer, “I owe you a lot.”

“You’re damn right you o-”

“I was including room service in that, before you say anything,” He laughs a little at that, and without me even really noticing it he’s laced his fingers between mine. I laugh with him, feeling lighter, feeling a knot form in my chest.

“You’d better,” I say, “You’ll pay me back for that even if I have to march my ass all the way to Xing.”

“Hopefully you’ll have other reasons to visit besides that,” I can feel his shoulders shaking. We’re both giggling like little kids sharing a joke.

“Only if you swear I’ll never have to buy you dinner ever again.”

“That’s fair.”

Once the laughter subsides, I’m starting to feel tired, and I think maybe my brain will let me get some rest. On the other hand, the roof is a nice place, too. I’m really starting to like it up here. It’s not a particularly tall roof and the view isn’t anything to write home about, but the few city lights that are on make even this town look sort of pretty. Besides, the company up here isn’t all that bad either.

“You will visit, I take it?” Ling asks, “When you can.”

“When I can, I’ll definitely do that.”

“Good. I’ll count on it,” Ling grins at me.

“Hmmm. I’m getting tired,” I say, feeling truly sleepy for the first time tonight, “I’m gonna go, I think. See you tomorrow?”

Ling nods.

“In the morning, for sure. We’ll probably be gone by tomorrow night, though. Now that all of this is over, it really is time for us to go home.”

He leans his face in much closer to mine that ever before, and before I even have a chance to figure out what he’s doing, he kisses my cheek. I make a weird snorting noise in response, because apparently I can’t just act like a normal person and say real words. He laughs at me.

“You ass,” I say, definitely blushing this time.

“Goodnight,” He says, impishly, back to the shit-eating grin and endearingly annoying attitude I’m so used to.

“Goodnight,” I reply.

**Author's Note:**

> This started off as a sort of a character study thing because I wanted to explore some different aspects of Ling as a character + Ed's relationship with him by the end, and also just me blatantly rejecting canon because I don't want to think that the Xing kids just up and left immediately after the big battle. Eventually it turned into this gay disaster, and I hope you liked reading it as much as I liked writing it. 
> 
> The title comes is ripped from a Sufjan Stevens song that really only has a very little bit to do with the actual content of the fic, so don't read too much into it.
> 
> Also, I finished this at about 4 am so please excuse any spelling errors I might have missed.


End file.
